A couple of things to add after giving this a little more thought. Allow me to think out loud here for a few minutes. Some people may not be able to see how the allowance for polygamy (men having multiple wives throughout eternity) justifies gay marriage. I have to admit, I had some cognitive dissonance to deal with myself. The problem is obvious. OK two problems, actually.
One, God's plan is all about "building the kingdom". It's about having Mormon babies. One man and one woman or one man and multiple women can produce offspring, but people of the same sex can't reproduce. The church has a long-held belief that the first and foremost purpose of marriage - of mortality, for that matter - is procreation. Spencer W. Kimball said:
"The union of the sexes, husband and wife (and only husband and wife), was for the principal purpose of bringing children into the world." (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, pp. 311-312)
But what if the underlying premise is wrong? Could the latter-day prophets be looking at this in the wrong way? Absolutely. It's happened before and there's certainly a precedent for it (i.e. evolution of temple sealings, Adam-God doctrine, blood atonement, race and Priesthood issues, just to name a few).
According to Mormon doctrine, populating the earth, raising seed unto God, etc. are, of course, vital and necessary to the Lord's eternal plan. But not even every heterosexual couple are able to participate in that due to biological abnormalities. Do we look at their union as "less than" or unacceptable to God because of their inability to conceive children? Of course not. Their relationship is sacred in and of itself. There are plenty of statements by latter-day prophets and apostles declaring the temporal and eternal benefits of a marital relationship.
“Marriage provides an ideal setting for overcoming
any tendency to be selfish or self-centered.” Richard G. Scott
"The goal of marriage is unity and oneness,
as well as self-development. Paradoxically, the more we serve one another, the
greater is our spiritual and emotional growth.” Ezra Taft Benson
“Marriage is a relationship that cannot survive
selfishness, impatience, domineering, inequality, and lack of respect. Marriage
is a relationship that thrives on acceptance, equality, sharing, giving,
helping, doing one’s part, learning together, enjoying humor.” David O. McKay
Granted, there are those, for one reason or another, who never have opportunities to marry and often that argument is used to justify excluding same-sex marriage. But that doesn't discount the fact that marriage in and of itself is a vital and worthwhile institution for anyone with an opportunity to enter into it regardless of whether or not children are produced. It wasn't that long ago that I would have completely disagreed with myself in stating that I now believe everyone who has opportunity should be able to enter into a loving, monogamous relationship, regardless of their gender differences or similarities, as the relationship in and of itself provides unmatched opportunities for growth, fulfillment, and happiness. And I believe God would agree. And hey, we're not talking about eternal gay marriage here - just the "till death do you part" kind. I'm OK with saying that I don't know exactly how relationships are going to look in the eternities, but I firmly believe God isn't going to favor heterosexual men over everyone else. After all, Joseph Smith himself married lots of women for "time" only (nod, nod, wink, wink), so, by his example, marriage without the benefit of eternal ties still has great value in the lives of those participating.
Two. But what about the sex. What about the gay sex. I don't have a good answer other than to say...get over it. People have sex. They just do. They're supposed to. If you believe in God, you have to believe that sex is God-given, God-sanctioned, and God-ordained. God made it feel good for a reason - so we would do it. Jesus never condemned homosexuality or gay sex. Though I didn't do the actual research, I've heard it said by biblical scholars that the sin of Sodom was not gay sex, it was a lack of hospitality and love for their neighbors and fellow man. A well-known passage in the Book of Mormon condemns the "sin next to murder" which some church leaders have defined to be any sexual act outside the constraints of a heterosexual marriage. When put in context, it actually refers only to sexual acts being perpetrated on women against their will. I would wholeheartedly agree with rape being a "sin next to murder", but how can anyone who applies any amount of critical thinking equate every sex act outside the bonds of heterosexual marriage as being a sin next to murder? All that does is force single people who "went too far" into a life-changing mode of guilt and shame. And how can consensual sex between same-sex couples in an exclusive legally-bound relationship ever be compared to a forced act of rape? They have nothing in common. I remember telling a friend who was grappling with this issue along side me a few years ago, "Although homosexual sex may seem completely unnatural to you it seems pure and natural to them. Once you get over your own perception of the "grossness" of it only then are you able to start exercising rational thought along with empathy and compassion."
And here's one more thing. It's important for me to try to understand the differences between my life in the 21st century and the lived experiences of those in the early days of the church. Comparatively speaking, their lives were hard. Anecdotally, all of my early Mormon ancestors, at one time or another, worried about where their next meal was coming from. Their lives were far from simple and secure as they lacked the modern conveniences, technology, and medical advances we now enjoy. Mortality was endured, I would think, more than it was embraced. But the thought - the belief - the promise - of exaltation in the Kingdom of God made it all worth it. This life was a time of consecration to God - "Sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven." Their focus (for women especially) wasn't on being happy now, it was on sacrificing now to be happy later. Living in plural marriage, for example, was a necessary sacrifice to gain eternal exaltation where all things would be made clear and it would no longer be hard. Believe in God, obey the commandments, follow the Prophet with exactness, and make and keep all the sacred covenants and eventually the blessings of prosperity, increase, and happiness will be realized in the life to come. Don't do those things and you have no promise. It's the way they could make sense of a life full of hardship, depravity, and pain.
Throughout my young life, and on into adulthood, I was taught to believe the exact same way. It only instilled in me an overwhelming sense of fear that I may never do enough to qualify for exaltation. I've since learned to trust God to conduct the business of saving souls and I've come to believe that life is to be lived and enjoyed right now. (That's not intended to be commentary or acceptance of living a life of "sin" - that's a whole different discussion.)
I think that speaks a lot to how I now view the eternities. My motivation for doing good in the world is no longer tied to an eternal reward. Through the good things I do I create for myself a better, happier life - right here and now. I no longer live in fear nor do I fear the unknowable. "This is MY work and MY glory, to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man" thus saith the Lord. By His own declaration, it's God's work to save me in the eternities, not mine.
I think that speaks a lot to how I now view the eternities. My motivation for doing good in the world is no longer tied to an eternal reward. Through the good things I do I create for myself a better, happier life - right here and now. I no longer live in fear nor do I fear the unknowable. "This is MY work and MY glory, to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man" thus saith the Lord. By His own declaration, it's God's work to save me in the eternities, not mine.
I don't believe it's God's plan that women's universal, over-arching purpose for existing is to bear children. For some women motherhood instills ultimate fulfillment, but for others it more closely resembles ultimate sacrifice (I'll probably speak more to that with personal experiences in subsequent posts). I believe God wants women to find their own unique, individual purpose - whatever it is - and find happiness as they pursue it. I don't believe God wants those people with sexual biology outside the norm to sacrifice loving marital relationships with the promise that someday, in the next life, they'll reap their due reward. I believe God approves of them pursuing happiness and contentment right here, right now. I don't believe intentional self-sacrifice in and of itself in this life brings forth the blessings of heaven and that it is a requirement of God. I believe that living a Christ-like life - seeking wisdom, serving and not judging others (it is that simple) - creates a good life. And I believe that is exactly what God wants for all of his children - a good, happy life.
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